Malcolm In The Middle

Dear Malcolm in the Middle,

Originally, I thought your middleness on the political spectrum would help the Liberal Party. But instead we’ve witnessed the rebirth of alt-right and the inevitable resurgence of the ALP. Malcolm aren’t you sick of being an Arnold-style football head kicked between NATS and Shortens?

Malcolm you are not Switzerland, you are our Prime Minister. For years you waited anxiously in the wings for an onion-loving screw up, and you got your wish. You were going to change the tone of politics in this country, but after a year and a half little has changed. But Malcolm in the Middle, here lies your opportunity.

Malcolm, not only is your home ground being flooded by Barnabus Retardedness and the bloody-haired rodent Pauline, but our international allies have also turned sour. Much like an estranged ex-wife, America will take alimony for NATO and is accusing you of diluting the white purity of their nation with the pending Refugee Deal.

Middle Malcolm, you are not Donald Trump’s football head. You are ours. Don’t let him kick you around and shake up your place in the world, because you deserve respect.

But so do those refugees. You wish to send them to a country where they will be deemed ‘Boston Bombers’ by their own President. Take responsibility, and give respect and asylum to them.

As for Trump and your own peace of mind, stand up against the Muslim Ban and trend like Trudeau. Because doing the right thing goes a long way.

 

 

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How This US Election Could Actually Improve Democracy

Admittedly, the United States is teetering on the edge of having a potentially authoritarian President, however the fear of Donald Trump may actually be the kick in the ass that millennials need. Of course they are easy to dismiss, given their voting history, but the fear of Trump is powerful.

In the 2012, election between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, only 49% of people under the age of 30 voted. Low participation has aways been common amongst millennials in the United States, but reaching out to them has never been more important. Having just surpassed baby-boomers as the largest living generation, they could potentially be a powerful secret weapon.

This fact has not gone unrecognised in the lead-up to the election, with news streams calling Gen Y out, urging them to vote. Buzzfeed came forward with a 15 minute video, explaining the differences between both major parties; Vox has been running in depth analyses on the debates; Casey Neistat along with a string of YouTubers have announced who they will be voting for; and the never ending social media cycles are churning out more political hashtags than ever before.

The ramifications of low participation are immense and can be seen by the the shock result of the EU Referendum in the UK. 73% of young people were in favour of staying, but only 36% of millennials turned up on voting day. Many claimed they couldn’t decide what to vote for, or simply that they forgot when it was. There is no place for these excuses. If you’re unsure of anything – a parties policies, or the date of an election – just Google it.

Low participation rates however are understandable. Politics can be disheartening, particularly for Generation Y. When do politicians do anything for them? Whilst this is a valid point,the reason politicians don’t do anything for millennials is that it doesn’t earn them votes. Politicians provide policies for those who elect them, and older people vote!

But this election goes beyond the merits of a party, which is often the driving factor for voting. It has become a gamble of choosing the lesser of two evils; Hillary or Trump. This election could definitely be a turning point for US politics, but it could arguably strengthen democracy. Perhaps this atypical election was what was needed to bring the youth into the fold?

FAN GIRL DROP HILARIOUS COFFEE-SMASHING VIDEO FOR “NOLITA”

Fan Girl

Fan Girl have emerged with the third video in the trilogy of ‘Let’s Kill Our Insides On-Screen’, with a classic Melbourne twist on DZ Deathrays’ music video for The Mess Up, and Dune Rats’ infamous Red Light Green Light music video. 

Much like DZ Deathrays, the lads pound shot after shot (except theirs are of the espresso variety) over the soundtrack of their new sonic circus, NoLita.

Sat in a local caffeine dwelling, the boys look ominously at one another before chugging back the first cappuccino. You wince as they scold their oesophagus’, and are handed their next obstacle, the latte. Eventually the gents hit the seizure inducing, rapid fire round, as the screen flashes violently.

This is when it becomes an instructional tape on “how to give up drinking hot milk products”, as the duo hit their limit and race out to the street to do the inevitable. Both sickening and compelling, the video is the perfect match to the Nescafè-blend intensity ofNoLita.

While the video is less extreme than its predecessors, the track itself wins the Gold medal as far as we’re concerned. Fans of Radiohead and The Beach will flock to this schizophrenic journey of mismatched hooks and lush harmonies. The song features a variety of sounds including circus organs, drums, and a guitar thunderstorm.

Despite the video’s humour, if you listen closely the lyrics strike a very different chord. Detailing feelings of desolation in an unfamiliar city, vocalist Noah Harris exposes his vulnerability in his search for familiarity by reaching out to an old friend.

Can also be found on AAA Backstage.

 

The Myths of New York

  • Coffee – it’s not terrible! In fact, it’s actually great. Go to Starbucks and find a coffee that suits you. There’s thousands of types, so surely you’ll like one of them.
  • Metro – it’s not confusing, it’s crazy efficient. Street traffic is insane, and UberPool is weird, so it is by far the fastest option. Also much like Melbourne, New York is like a grid, so it’s very easy to navigate.
  • The streets are mean – nope! Don’t let directness be confused with frustration. New Yorkers want you to see their city. Ask anyone and they’ll gladly tell you where to go. A man even swiped his metro card for me so that I could make a train. They answer quickly and abruptly, but it’s said with wonderful intentions.
  • They have Monopoly money – true! It’s paper and it’s weird, but what they have going for them is $1 notes.  I’ve had a shrapnel free week, which has been liberating for my wallet.
  • Times Square is a nightmare – depends. If you hate crowds, you’re not going to have a great time. It’s packed from 11AM – 1AM daily, and selfie sticks run wild. But if you’re from a smaller city like me, it’s amazing to see. There is probably more light bulbs in there than the whole of Brisbane. It’s so beautiful.
  • Brooklyn is a dive – wrong, wrong, oh so wrong. It’s the best borough. Juliano’s pizza is life changing, the view of the skyline is stellar, the shopping is 10/10 and the ice-cream factory is my new home. And don’t even get me started on their Pale Ale… God Bless America alright. There’s a reason it’s home to 2.5 million New Yorkers.