Dear Malcolm in the Middle,
Originally, I thought your middleness on the political spectrum would help the Liberal Party. But instead we’ve witnessed the rebirth of alt-right and the inevitable resurgence of the ALP. Malcolm aren’t you sick of being an Arnold-style football head kicked between NATS and Shortens?
Malcolm you are not Switzerland, you are our Prime Minister. For years you waited anxiously in the wings for an onion-loving screw up, and you got your wish. You were going to change the tone of politics in this country, but after a year and a half little has changed. But Malcolm in the Middle, here lies your opportunity.
Malcolm, not only is your home ground being flooded by Barnabus Retardedness and the bloody-haired rodent Pauline, but our international allies have also turned sour. Much like an estranged ex-wife, America will take alimony for NATO and is accusing you of diluting the white purity of their nation with the pending Refugee Deal.
Middle Malcolm, you are not Donald Trump’s football head. You are ours. Don’t let him kick you around and shake up your place in the world, because you deserve respect.
But so do those refugees. You wish to send them to a country where they will be deemed ‘Boston Bombers’ by their own President. Take responsibility, and give respect and asylum to them.
As for Trump and your own peace of mind, stand up against the Muslim Ban and trend like Trudeau. Because doing the right thing goes a long way.