Things men do on Tinder that I don’t understand

  1. Why post a photo of your ute – how does this bring in females?
  2. Telling us your height. Take it from me, tall doesn’t equal well endowed.
  3. Why post a photo with you and your hot friend.  This is false advertising, and not okay. You can be sued for that.
  4. Star signs? Honestly, nobody cares.
  5. The gym? Now, like most girls I appreciate a bit of muscle. However, strings of gym selfies and talking about fitness in your bio won’t help your cause.
  6. A lone photo of your pet? Now, I won’t lie. If a guy has a dog, their chances increase exponentially. But, it should be a photo of them with the dog. Otherwise, who’s to say they didn’t look up a cocker spaniel on google images.
  7. Why do you ask me to come over in the first three sentences? No. You might throw me off a balcony.
  8. Anchorman quotes?! I swear one in ten seem to have them in their bios. Copying Will Ferrell doesn’t make you funny.
  9. Why ask me for more photos? Do you want to look like a creep?
  10. Fishing photos? Gigantic scaly creatures with bulging eyes strangely do nothing for a woman. Sorry.
  11. What is with the shocking grammar? Holy shit, spell your words out. Saying things like “r u free 2nite?” should be illegal.
  12. Why post photos holding your gun? Um. Tinder is a scary world – girls already assume you’re a murderer, until proven otherwise. Don’t give us more ammunition.
  13. Why tell the world about your beliefs in 500 characters or less. This was the first match I ever made, and also funnily the worst. Moral of the story, read the bio before swiping right.12309370_10201211114835506_422443091_n
  14. Why the sleezy pick up lines? ‘Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.’ No. Pizza is always better.
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