Take A Hint

Many men have bitched to me about how mysterious and complicated women are. They argue that everything we say has multiple meanings and that every truth is concealed behind the phrase “I’m fine.” It’s true; women do eventually lose their patience with men and give up trying to explain themselves. However! When it comes to romantic prospects, we’re quite clear when we aren’t interested. Yet for some reason our male counterparts often misinterpret our disinterest with playing hard to get.

Last week a rather creepy individual hit on me on a bus. Yes, that’s right. We aren’t even safe on public transport anymore. He comes along, picks up my bag and sits down. Trust me he was no Casinova… He started up a dialogue and within minutes asked for my number. Because I was stuck with him for another five stops, I obliged and supplied a fake. To which he called instantly. Caught out on my lie, he persisted until I gave him the right one. A texting conversation ensued where I tried to be polite, telling him point blank that I wasn’t interested in dating, to which he replied, “Could we at least be friends?”

After careful consideration and several drafts, my friend came up with an excellent response, “I’m not looking for anymore friends, good to meet you.” Shot down in his texting prime bus boy has since retreated and the heckling has ceased. So, after this incident I feel it’s time to educate men about the word NO.

  1. If we give you a fake number, we are definitely not interested.
  2. If you text us and we don’t reply, we’re not interested. The silent treatment is used to cut ties. We’re not going to play hard to get over SMS.
  3. If we make up an excuse to leave prematurely in the first conversation we are either bored or uncomfortable.
  4. If you touch us and we forcibly remove your hand, that’s a polite way of telling you to fuck off.
  5. If we accept a drink from you it doesn’t mean we’re in love and want to have your babies. Generally, we’re just poor and want a free beverage.
  6. That said, if we turn down a drink, we’re flat out disinterested and trying to terminate this conversation ASAP.
  7. If I’m talking to other guys it’s not an attempt to make you jealous. I’m just genuinely more captivated by them than you.
  8. If I make up a succession of reasons not to catch up it’s not a rain check. I’m just hoping you’ll eventually give up and leave me alone.
  9. If I’m laughing it’s not because I found that recycled pickup line funny. I just genuinely can’t believe anyone would sacrifice their dignity for this.
  10. If a friend calls me about being hit by a car mid-conversation, the only emergency actually occurring is that I’m being held hostage by you.

So to the men out there I hope this helps and to the women I wish you luck..

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