The Perks of Being a Caffeine Addict

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Whilst many dedicate their mornings to scheduling the day’s events, I coordinate my life around the location of quirky coffee shops. I will never venture further than a 15km radius away from caffeine.

Due to this addiction it’s been decided by a jury of friends that caffeine is going to kill me. Well, I’m here to rectify their ignorance on this particular situation. Research has shown that coffee actually encourages longevity as it contains antioxidants that ward off chemicals known as free radicals. Those are the little fuckers that cause ageing and associated illnesses such as cancer and heart disease. So long story short, I’ll be sipping lattes well into my eighties.

Coffee has its perks for everyone, even for the intermediate alcoholics out there. A 2006 study has shown that those who drink a minimum of one cup a day reduce their risk of liver cirrhosis by 20 per cent. This is an autoimmune disease caused by excessive alcohol consumption that causes liver failure and cancer. Interestingly, caffeine also reduces the risk of Type 2 diabetes by up to 50% and lessens a woman’s chance of developing skin cancer.

Not only can it prevent terminal illnesses, but also it can make you smarter and postpone Alzheimer’s disease. Coffee cures a bad nights sleep by giving your brain the kick-start it needs to work more efficiently and in turn retain more. TIME reporter Michael Lemonick stated that ‘when you’re sleep deprived and you take caffeine, pretty much anything will improve: reaction time, attention vigilance, attention and logic.’ These are the functions of intelligence, so therefore the conclusion is simple; coffee makes you smarter.

So until Michael Moore releases a documentary that critiques society’s illogical stance on caffeine, all we have are the facts. The truth is that coffee can prevent cancer, diabetes, alzheimers and liver damage, so who wouldn’t want to be an addict?

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