Someone once told me ‘have low expectations, that way you can be surprised by the handful of good moments that life will deliver.’ That statement was honestly the most depressing thing I ever heard. But today, I started to believe it.
Many of us leave school and desperately grab at tertiary degrees, all the while hoping to christ that they fit with our personality. Two years and five majors later, I think I’ve finally found my mould, Public Relations. With this in mind, and the career question solved, I thought things would just fall into place. But see, I was delusional to think everything would just work out because I had a career epiphany. The struggle is still very much in play because whilst I have figured out the destination, I now have to work out how to get there. Being unable to fulfill a dream is a lot more heartbreaking than not having one in the first place.
I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep, the amount of work I have to do, or just a small thing that happened today, but I’ve landed myself in quite a slump. See I’m feeling a tad downtrodden because my half yearly plan buckled under my feet today. But I guess it’s a valuable lesson learned – work, study and relationships can’t be planned, it comes down to trial and error. Sometimes it just feels like repeated record of error, but for my own well-being I’m just going to hope that something better comes along.
To any writers reading this, I apologise – this post is a rant, structuralless and comprising of sewn together shambles. Kind of a metaphor for my life at the moment (yes, I’m a drama queen). See I hate the uncertainty, I want a crystal ball that tells the future. Whether it be good or bad, I don’t care – I just want to know. That way I could mentally prepare for the knocks coming my way, rather than masking my shock constantly.
Today I wanted to scream. Not just because of this one incident, but for all the other plans that have fallen through. It’s starting to get a bit ridiculous to be honest. See before university ends I have two goals.
1. Get to New York.
2. Secure a job before graduation.
See to me, these seemed feasible. I was going to work this year and save for an overseas trip and next year do as many internships as possible in order to gain the necessary experience for the workforce. But these days, jobs are hard to come by. I don’t mean shitty deadend retail jobs (which I’m all for when you first start out), but jobs that mean something and will actually give me the type of experience I need. Afterall that’s why I’m at University – to get a job that goes places.
I don’t know whether it’s my impatience, laziness or what. But I finally know what I want and as frustrating as it is, I just need to accept that it’s not all going to all happen at once. I have another fifty years or so on this earth, so now it’s just a waiting game.