Ending Friendships

walk alone
A Sydney Soloist

Everyone has frozen out a friend at some point, including myself on more than one occasion. It’s a harsh reality to face, but most friendships have an expiration date. Your close friends will change over the next decade. Whilst I love my current friends wholeheartedly, I’m a realist. Friendships follow a natural cycle. People are drawn together by mutual circumstances, but as they change (location, occupation or relationship status), they drift apart and outgrow each other.

In the past two years I have changed drastically and so have my surroundings, moving from high school to university. As these circumstances changed, so did my friendships. People who I knew externally became my core group and my high school friends drifted. Friendships are meant to enrich your life with deep connections and commonalities. So when school ended, we lost that common ground. Disappearing from the lives of several people is difficult. Politely declining invitations and screening phone calls is just the beginning. They will ask why and where do you go from there. And Murphy’s law will play her part; you will start to see this person everywhere you go. I like to call it karmic haunting. But sometimes it’s necessary to cut the cord of a friendship.  Remember to do it gracefully and respectfully. You did care for this person once, so it’s important to spare their feelings as much as possible.

From being the abandoner to the abandoned. This happened to me earlier this year and I’ve never felt anything like it. Now on off chance meetings we greet each other icily and I feel bruised all over again. But I’m going to spare you long emotional descriptions and say something a little more concrete.

If you walk out on someone, keep out. Don’t go liking a past friends photos and messaging them happy birthday: delete them and leave them the fuck alone. Don’t weasel your way back into their lives – it’s cruel, tantalising and they will resent you even more for it. Commit to your choices and trust in your judgement. You left for a reason.

Friendships have a lifecycle and sometimes (for the sake of your sanity) you need to get out. So have faith in your decisions and don’t backtrack. The past is the past.

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